Contrivance
by coldofthesea
Summary: Rey is destined to save the galaxy. This fact she has only just come to accept. But, what of her past? The family she is waiting for? And what of Kylo Ren, the one she must face? There is a lot she doesn't know, and only Luke Skywalker can help her learn the truth. A continuation of The Force Awakens. Expect spoilers and Kylo Ren/Rey later on.
1. Anemnesis

**A/N: There are quite a few theories out there as to Rey's parentage and whatnot, and I really wanted to expand on those theories, as well as adding my own thoughts. I'd like to mention that while I've seen TFA twice now and the original 3 a few times each, I still have much to learn about the Star Wars universe. I'll do my best to learn about the lore and apply it to this story, but at the same time expect me to take some liberties with TFA's unfinished storyline. As I said, this is based on theories, and will likely make many assumptions about the characters.**

 **This fic will eventually involve Reylo. Keep that in mind if you are either head-over-heels for them like I am, or not comfortable with the ship.**

* * *

Scavengers, thieves, vagabonds, the occasional mark placed on her head after a trade gone wrong. Now, ship battles, needling through canyons and abandoned cruisers in the desert of Jakku. And even lightsaber duels with the First Order's one and only Kylo Ren.

All of these things have tried to kill Rey in the past. All of these things pushed her to her edge, bringing her the feelings of dread and exhilaration, adrenaline pumping through her, jolting her into that drive to keep fighting. To keep living.

She knew terror. All too well was she familiar with that racing heart, not only the speed of it, but the sheer force of each pump. Rey knew what it felt like to be so afraid that each heartbeat felt like a train ramming into her chest.

Every experience paled in comparison to this now. No other one time in her life could compare to this moment now, to the sharp, forceful beating of her excited heart.

She stood stoically, aware that the Jedi could see past it. She knew that he knew that she was freaking out.

How could she not? The fabled Jedi Master, Luke Skywalker, destroyer of the Death Star, the saviour of the galaxy, the rebellion's most esteemed pilot. He was there, right in front of her.

His eyes narrowed at her outstretched arm. Almost sluggishly, he lifted one hand, and the saber flew from hers.

"Luke, I-"

Her words got caught in her throat as his eyes met hers. The glance silenced her, not through his own doing, but through her own anxiety. Without warning, the weight of the universe landed on her shoulders, as his one minuscule glance reminded her of her mission, to bring Luke back, to have him stop the First Order.

"Leia needs you," she tried again. "The galaxy is in disarray. We lost most of the Republic. Something bad is happening, and you're our only hope."

Time-weathered features broke out into a smile; he shook his head. Once more he locked a gaze with the teen.

"I know."

Impatient, she paced for him. "If you know, why did you leave?"

"It's the reason I left." He tucked the lightsaber into a nook inside his robe, and, as he lifted his hood over his head, turned away from her and descended down the other side of the cliff.

Rey was hot behind him, jogging to catch up. "What do you mean 'it's the reason you left'?" challenged the woman. "How could you have left when we needed you this badly?"

"There's a lot you don't know about. A lot of pieces I'm sure Leia hasn't filled you in on." Almost gracefully, the Jedi trailed down the steps with ease, despite their ragged nature. Even with her dexterity and balance after a lifetime of scavenging in the unpredictable ruins of TIE fighters and gargantuan cruisers Rey struggled to keep up, as each individual step proved challenging.

"Then tell me. What could I possibly not know that would affect your decision to abandon the galaxy?"

His answer never came. Instead, he led her to a well-concealed beach beneath his outpost on the cliff. There she noted there was an arrangement of lightsabers and robes under the protection of a protruding rock. About 20 feet away from those sabers was a rounded stone adorned with a myriad of tattered books. The titles were illegible from her distance, but she could only assume they were meant to entertain the Jedi during the long, isolated days he spent there.

"I don't understand," she uttered as he knelt down beside the weapons. "What's the point of staying here? Alone? Even if you're mad at yourself for failing your student, why live here?"

Again, no answer. He tidied up the spot and pulled his saber from his robe and laid it with its brethren on the rocky shore. He seemed captivated with it, almost reacquainting himself with his long lost friend. Despite her frustration with the lack of traction in their conversation, she found herself calm, and almost comfortable watching him. His presence was acutely welcoming, despite her never having met him before.

The scavenger decided to kneel beside him, and watch him silently.

"You know, Rey, Leia hasn't told you everything because she may not know everything. I can feel it in you. You're agitated that you're in the dark."

Her eyes set on him in an icy stare, as her blood ran cold.

"How do you know my name?" asked the girl in a low tone.

"Not to say I know _everything_ ," he responded with a light chuckle, "but I likely know more than Leia." He stood and patted the dirt from his robe. "One thing I do know is that this saber is very fond of you."

"I'm not fond of it," she muttered. "Thing reminded me of some things I'd rather keep forgotten."

Luke gave her a knowing nod. "It reminded you for a reason, Rey."

"Okay, seriously, how do you know my name?" she pressed.

"There are things in your past that you are running away from, Rey, now why did it remind you?" Luke pressed back.

The young woman's face began heating up, turning a deep crimson shade. Blood boiling and brows furrowing, she stood and met him with pure fury. "I don't _care_ what it thinks I need to remember! That thing is inanimate, it doesn't know what this past I'm 'running from' did to me!" Involuntary cracks made their way into her voice as her emotion piled up in her throat. "I don't want to remember! I want it gone forever. I thought I had healed." Slowly, her anger faded, and she became weary.

He placed a hand upon her shoulder, offering what one would call very minimal comfort, Rey would call unconfined compassion.

 _Do you feel that?_ Came a voice, not her own, in her head. It was his. _The cool breeze sweeping through you. That familiar embrace is the Force._

She nodded, unsure of how to respond to his non-corporeal speaking.

 _Whenever that anger, that pain comes back, remember the breeze. It is always there, and it can keep you together._

Her throat felt tight. She always felt as though Han was the father she never had, but suddenly, the hole Solo left behind in her, was filled. Luke offered her that same paternal amenity. It was almost deja vu, this moment she was sharing with Luke.

 _Do you remember, Rey?_

Suddenly, she took a step back and furiously shook her head.

"No, no, no, no, no... It's coming back, I don't want to feel it again-"

"You have the Force, Rey. It is there when you are jarred by circumstance. Let this be your first lesson."

His wording left her perplexed, but she shook off her doubts and trusted the Jedi Master. He, of all people, should know how to help her cope. Though the situation with the lightsaber in Maz's cantina was particularly bad, she had always had nightmares of that massacre, of unrelenting downpour, of her abandonment on Jakku...

Jakku.

A swirl of colours enveloped her mind, a vision assembling within her subconscious. First, the massacre.

* * *

 _Screaming. From everywhere. The source was infinite, and deafening. Rey, with the effort her short legs could muster, outran the pursuer. She hid behind a hooded figure as she recognised Kylo Ren pace after her. He stood before the man concealing her._

 _"Hello again, Ben," said the figure._

 _"I'm afraid there is no time for pleasantries," replied the voice behind the mask. "Your time is up, Luke." Somehow even louder than the shrieking was his lightsaber. The fire red flame erupted from the hilt and charged in her direction. Luke simply help up one hand, and..._

* * *

Eyes wide, chest pounding, and adrenaline coursing through her veins, Rey started from her recollection. Sweat pilled out from her pores and spilled down the length of her cheek. She was no longer on the beach, but confined to a cavern, it appeared to be, with the Jedi kneeling at her side, watching carefully. The only source of light was a lantern he had lit and set beside her head. Rey had been laying on a pad on the rocky floor, and had a pillow supporting her head.

"Where are we?"

"We are in the temple."

With a sweeping glance, she observed the room with a more keen eye to detail. It seemed less natural and sporadically shaped, as one would denote a cavern to be like. This was carved out, a rectangular room. There were staircases and doorways dotting each face of the room, leading to what she assumed was more of the temple.

"Tell me about the dream," he said quietly, as to not irritate her drained mind.

"You were in it," came her equally quiet reply. The look in his eye betrayed his understanding. Rey could tell he was just as familiar with the memory as she was. Still, she continued. "Kylo Ren tried to kill you. He... his lightsaber flew at you. You looked like you were going to do something when I woke up."

The elder nodded. "I did what I could to protect you."

"How old was I?" she murmured.

"Likely five or so."

Rey faced away from him and let her lids drift closed. An often overlooked side effect of having someone purge your mind with the Force is a pounding headache. The pain was unbearable. As if it wasn't enough having to relive the worst of her life, she had to be cursed with a migraine succeeding it.

"So," she tried in her groggy voice, "what was I doing with you?"

He shook his head, and she knew to brace for his next words.

"While I'm trying to make this comfortable for you, you must go through this alone. I can't train you until you unlock this past of yours."

"I don't want to be trained," she grumbled. "Not if this is the prerequisite."

A half-smile broke across his face. His hand waved over her head and she felt drowsy. The pull of sleep was a powerful tidal wave, and as she watched its approach, she grew more and more compelled to give in to it. When it finally hit her, she fell back into that hazy concoction of colours, scents; a vision.

* * *

 _The sky was hazy, a cool grey to mirror the desolation in Luke's eyes. Rey was unused to seeing the stone-faced Jedi so crestfallen, so withdrawn. He was usually the one to run to, to be consoled by. Yet he was crumbled on the ground beside his droid friend, R2D2. After a lengthy process of establishing a map onto a drive and giving it to the droid, he waved his metal hand in front of it and watched solemnly as it deactivated._

 _"Rey, I'm going to go away." He turned to her. "But we'll see each other again, I'm sure of it."_

 _The young girl fidgeted, fear rising in her throat at the idea of losing Luke._

 _"Where are you going?" she asked quietly._

 _He turned to the droid and frowned. Rey watched him for a while and when she deemed he'd never answer her, shuffled close to him and hid under his hood to escape the rain. Bundled in her tiny hand was a chunk of his soggy robe. As she anticipated his leaving, she tried to familiarise herself with the feeling of his robe, of his scent in the rain. If she was losing Luke, she would do her damnedest to keep him alive in her memory until she could see him again._

 _If ever._

* * *

This time when she awoke, there was no shock, no gasping and panting as she entered reality. This time, there were tears in her eyes. Luke was no longer beside her, but at her feet, adding kindling to the lantern. Rey quickly noticed his lack of eye contact. With what little understanding she had of the Force, she could feel regret within him. Whether he let her see that she was uncertain, but his guard was down, and he shared her heartache over his abandoning her.

An odd question arose in her head.

"Are you the family I've been waiting for?"

He finally looked up.

"You have one more memory to unlock."

Rey understood, and with a nod, accepted his invitation into her subconscious. One more trip, she assured herself, and everything would finally make sense.

At least, that's what she hoped.

Luke waved his hand for the last time, and she counted to ten as she slipped away.

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed chapter one! As I publish this I'm in the middle of writing chapter two. As I said, there will be eventual Reylo, but I wanted to build some character for Rey and Luke, as I have big plans for them, as well as Kylo. Thanks for reading!**


	2. The Truth

The stormtroopers were very well-acquainted with Kylo's frequent tantrums. They came so frequently that it had become a ritual. They would walk along a corridor, hear a barrage of crashing and swinging, a lightsaber connecting with the steel of his room's walls, and they'd turn the other way. It wasn't really entertaining to them, more frightening. Many have fallen to the man whenever he was frustrated. He was not known for understanding even in his good moods, but when he was already pissed right off, those troopers knew their lives depended on avoiding him.

On this occasion, however, there was no escape.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'IT'S GONE'?" his voice roared. The unfortunate messenger sent to tell him what became of Darth Vader's recovered mask was subjected to the worst treatment of all: being chewed out.

"S-sir, w-w-we couldn't do anything to s-save it... The planet was collapsing..."

Despite his face being concealed by an intimidating mask, none of his rage was lost on the messenger. Kylo Ren withdrew his lightsaber and proceeded to unleash his seething anger on the console behind him, reducing it to charred rubble. Then he whipped around, his arm already in the air, fingers coiled as he forced the man up ten feet and choked him.

"You have _no idea_ the importance of that helmet!" With a twitch in his fingers, he heard a crack in his victim's neck, and watched, enraged, as his body went limp in the air. With a boisterous cry, he flung the body against the damaged console, lifted it up again, and tossed it in the direction of the door. A small squadron of patrolling troopers lined up with the body's trajectory and got smacked straight into the wall behind them. As they recovered themselves, they looked up at the masked figure, and could tell from his rigid stature that they would be next. They hurried off the ground and rushed away.

Kylo Ren turned away and found his bed. As he sat at the edge of it, he removed his helmet. With a _wshhh_ of steam as it popped off, he immediately launched it against the console, furthering its dilapidated state. With his hands now free, they captured his head as he leaned against them, head hanging over his lap. Fingers tangled into his locks, and dug into the temples hidden beneath them. As if it wasn't bad enough that he failed Snoke, he had lost his most prized possession due to his failures.

There was a presence at his door. Hux didn't even have a chance to announce himself before Ren shut him down.

"Whatever it is, not now," he scowled.

"Yes, I heard about your losses, and that your injuries have yet to fully heal."

At that, Kylo traced the scar along his face, and thought of the scavenger girl who inflicted his wounds on him.

"Does Snoke need something?" asked Kylo, his hand dropping to his lap.

"He wishes to speak with you. It must have to do with your training." Hux's reply was formal and terse. "I suggest you meet with him immediately."

And with that, the general left. Kylo stared across the room at his helmet among the wreck he caused. He imagined his helmet being lost, too. Along with him. He never entertained the thought of dying – it was an intrusive feeling, oft to be ignored. But, with the fury, and hint of loss, that filled him at losing his last memento of his grandfather, he inwardly hoped if he _had_ died there, someone may have experienced that same rage for him.

He scoffed at himself. Pitiful, to be so weak-minded. He didn't need sympathisers, friends, family...

 _"I need your help."_

 _"Anything."_

He launched off his bed, picked up his helmet, and whipped out of his room as he put it back on.

* * *

 _The heat on Jakku was unfamiliar and scalding. It felt wrong on her pale skin,like a bug bite. Stinging, unrelenting,_ _ **wrong**_ _. What felt even more wrong, was being delivered to some Crolute by the name of Unkar, whom she was told would be her caretaker._

 _The most wrong feeling of them all, was watching as Kylo Ren delivered her to the junkboss. They exchanged a few words, and she shared a glance with the masked man. She wished she knew what expression hid under there._

 _"This will be your new life, Rey," said the distorted voice. "I will return, and your training will be completed."_

 _Everything said to her was cryptic. There was never, "I'll be back in a couple days, you'll go back to Master Luke, you'll be happy, you'll never have to be alone." It was always, "You'll be left here. It's going to be unfamiliar. It's going to be lonely. And you'll never know when I'll come back."_

 _As the hooded figure turned away and boarded his ship, she screamed after him. She screamed loud, and long, and pushed herself to the point of going hoarse. Even then, still her cries rang out._

* * *

Rey's eyes willed themselves open, and as she awoke again, she leapt from her bed and landed on the heels of her feet.

"He was there!" she screeched. "That bastard! He was the one who left me on Jakku!"

Luke was half-frightened by her sudden outburst. Even having anticipated such a reaction, he was still caught off-guard. As he watched her pace the room, her breathing speeding up, he brought himself to his feet and left the temple through a set of stairs leading up. She followed him, fuming.

"Why did he take me from you? I could've helped you!" Her shouts echoed along the walls of the narrow staircase. "It's his fault, Luke! I should've known it was always his fault." Spite flew off her words like sparks off a flame. Her bitterness was a sour feeling, the worst feeling she knew. "He's been screwing with me since I was five." As her words came out, they gradually lost emphasis. There was no feeling left. Just resignation.

As they emerged from the temple, the daylight greeted them. It was beautiful, honestly. The breeze welcoming, and the waves from the distant beach creating a calming atmosphere. She recalled his words, and closed her eyes, imagining the Force blowing around and through her, as though it were cold water flushing the dehydration out of her body after a long, fruitless bout of scavenging. Rey was beginning to learn she thrived on the mundane. On the relationships she created, on the good times she made on Jakku, on the simple pleasures. How else could she find happiness in this life? She had just spent the night reminding herself that all she ever had was taken from her at such a young age she had managed to forget it. She forgot the most important things to her.

Her fist clenched.

 _It's understandable to be upset, Rey. But don't let the anger overcome you._

Luke faced her when they reached the peak of the hill on the island.

"How do you feel?" he asked aloud.

"I'm mad," came her answer flatly.

"No, how do you feel about facing yourself? After all these years of pushing the memories back." He was forceful, but not overbearing. If they were going to gain any traction in her training, she needed to reflect, she needed introspection.

She shook her head, jaw hanging ever so slightly. "I... I don't know how I feel. I'm not scared anymore. I suppose that's good." Her inflection wavered at the last word, hinting at uncertainty.

"It is good," he assured her. "You're getting the healing you thought you had."

Rey gave a quick nod, then faced the wide expanse of ocean behind the jedi. She admired its ceaselessness, how it could keep going, without change. It didn't need change, it was the most absolute. There was some sort of pride, she could feel, in being so certain of your being that you no longer need change. But also fear, in that thought, of exceeding the plausibility of improvement. Of becoming stale, stagnated. A frown pulled at the corners of her mouth.

"What's wrong?" he asked, thought she assumed he already knew.

"There's still so much I don't know," she admitted. "And I feel I've earned my answers."

The older jedi could not deny her that. He took a seat by a rock, his back flat against the height of it, and he drew his legs together, knotting them. His hand rose to beckon her. She followed and sat similarly, just across him.

"What do you wish to know?" he asked.

"Everything," she responded with a weak laugh.

"I can start with your family," he responded lowly. Interested piqued – rather, erupted – from inside her.

"My parents? I have parents?" She had just assumed Luke was her father until now, although it struck her how naive that assumption was. "Well, I mean, obviously I have parents, but you know who they are?"

Luke nodded grievously. "Yes, Rey. Your mother was the daughter of my teacher, Ben Kenobi."

Her eyes were wide. Not with shock, rather thrill. This wasn't surprising, this was monumental for her. She spent her whole life imagining two people would come back for her to take her home. She never knew their names, nor their faces. They were silhouettes, a promise. Nothing concrete or truly hope-inspiring, but they were all she had.

"And my father?"

"I'm not certain. He was very curt with me, very illusive. With what I could, I breached his mind, and found that he had a lot of darkness in there." Luke's eyes met the ground, his words heavy with regret. "He wasn't a bad man. He was misled. And your mother was a devoted woman. He made her promises, and I was left to train you until they fulfilled them."

Rey felt a sinking feeling crawl up her spine. As her heartbeat quickened, she asked what she really didn't want to ask. "Are they dead?" Her voice came in a quiet whimper.

"I'm afraid so, Rey."

Rey slumped down onto her back, feeling lead in her veins. It felt as though a weight was pressing her down, forcing her into the ground. "How did they die?" she asked in a murmur.

"They had a falling out," began Skywalker. "Your mother left him, and joined the Republic. He left for the First Order. They had a chance encounter during a raid on one of her bases. It didn't end well."

The air went still. All sound seemed to die off. Try as she might, Rey couldn't find the ocean's waves any longer. Their comforting ambiance had all but disappeared. Even though it was a family she never knew, she felt the pain hit her hard. All these years she had thought they were the ones who left her on Jakku, the ones who would come back for her, hold her, and they'd be a family, and there would be tears, and smiles.

Her eyes welled up.

"This is awful."

He nodded, though she didn't notice. She pulled herself up off the ground and gathered her knees to her chest. As she rested her head on her legs, she wondered aloud, "so all this time, I was waiting for Kylo Ren?"

"In essence."

"How come he was the one who dumped me there? Why not you?"

Luke locked his eyes with hers, and his brows lowered. Intensity gave off in waves as he spoke slowly, "there is a lot you still don't know." Each word was pointed and meaningful, as if he had written those words down years ago specifically for her to hear now. They were prophesied.

"Then tell me what I need to know."


	3. Guidance

The Wookiee garbled angrily at the droid as its whirring and beeping announced its victory. Chewie looked at him with fierce, feral eyes, as if to say, "You're a dirty cheater." Which R2 would likely agree with heartily. However, the droid kept its mouth shut, in a matter of speaking. It had already pushed its luck with the Wookiee too often in the past 24 hours.

To pass the time while they waited for Rey to check in, they had been playing a gambling game that R2 had suggested. So far neither placed bets, as Chewbacca was known for his skill and _coercion_ , whilst R2 was know for its tricks and schemes. Both had won and lost in equal amounts, so the lack of betting served them both for the better.

Right as they abandoned their game to check on some of their assigned maintenance work, the hiss of an opening shaft caught their attention. The Wookiee was the first to head over to the hatch, only to be overcome with joy from seeing Luke Skywalker. Chewbacca launched headlong into the old jedi's torso, lifting him up in a firm embrace. Luke laughed in his aged, smokey voice, and returned the hug. Just behind him was Rey, a whisper of apprehension in the gaze she held with the floor. Shutting the hatch behind her, she met Chewbacca's line of sight and offered him a smile.

"I came to tell you we're staying longer than intended," she stated. R2D2 and Chewie shared incredulity in a short glance. "What?"

R2D2's beeping indicated urgency in the plan to return Luke to the Republic. Rey nodded in complete understanding.

"I'm aware of our mission, but I've been convinced to stay. I'm going to be his padawan."

Her announcement left the two aghast. There was a precedent set with all inaction in the previous years that necessitated immediate attack. Every time a threat was left to its devices, lives were ended, planets destroyed, and the entire galaxy's population was threatened with indoctrination. Both of Rey's allies had seen these outcomes in their many years, and were coloured uneasy.

Still, she persisted, and proposed the importance in staying on the island with Luke.

"I wasn't sure of this, either, until Luke told me everything I needed to know." She paused to look at the Jedi, who offered a wizened smirk. She continued, slightly more invigorated, "I was already training under him. He took me in at 2 and trained me."

"Nothing big, I'm afraid to say, but Rey's taken a lot of the training into her own hands," added Luke, referencing the scavenger's affinity for her bo staff. "Even without my guidance, her powers with the Force have grown exponentially, and the Light in her is blinding."

Rey struggled to withhold a gaudy smile.

Luke continued. "She has incredible potential, and a proper template to finish her training. If I have just a month with her, she could face, and defeat, Ben Solo."

Chewbacca, in his feral growling, addressed the fact that a lot could happen in that one month, and that all this could be achieved at the Republic's base.

It pained her to be so immalleable, however Rey trusted what Luke had told her, and was willing to take that risk. Even though, and a small bit of the girl regretted this, she yearned to learn under the legendary Luke Skywalker, and to be the next heroine of the galaxy, Rey was level-headed enough to not even consider this course without thorough convincing, and Luke was a rather convincing man.

"The power of the temple can help me tap into the Force in me, and perhaps make this go quicker," she explained. "And it's safer here until I'm ready."

"If I leave now, I'll have a target on me as soon as we leave this system. This is the only place I am invisible until I want to be seen."

Withdrawn from their objections, the two friends ended their battle, and offered support.

Support that Rey was eager to accept.

* * *

There was an _awful_ feeling that Ben Solo felt every once in a while.

He could only describe it as a scrunching, pinching feeling in his core. The feeling was akin to a black hole; an item collapsing in on itself. The pressure outside him pushing in. Being squeezed by a giant hand.

It was _awful._

He felt it again as he approached Snoke, no longer a hologram before him, but rather the frail old teacher, the guide, the adviser. He was flesh and bone, and raw, unbridled power. Kylo Ren bowed before the man, and kept his gaze low.

"It is time to complete your training," Snoke declared.

Ren glanced upward, nodding with half-excitement. To finally reach this moment, to harness all that power he had coveted for years, to achieve that which his grandfather had. The moment was so close he could taste it.

"What must I do?" questioned the young man.

Snoke smirked, his crooked smile gleaming in the dim light of the ship. "With the death of your father, you have proven yourself true to the dark side."

Kylo perked up.

"Thus, you have unlocked that one last lock to your potential. You are ready to become the dark side." Snoke paced around him gradually, encircling him as he cast a judging eye upon him. "And, the final step," he paused before him. "I must kill you."

As quick as his reflexes may have been, there was no preparing for what Snoke would do, and Kylo Ren had failed to evade his attack. Instantly, his body was in the air, and he watched from 30 feet as Snoke's hand danced plainly around, wagging him about in the air. The mere force of being tossed side to side induced vertigo. Ren's shaking hand reached desperately for his lightsaber, and though he managed to grasp it and light it, the pale elder lobbed his hand forward forcefully, and Kylo braced as he hit the wall.

"Defend yourself!" cried Snoke. "If you are dark, then prove it! Fight!"

Shakily, the man pulled himself off the ground, and took one step forward, cocking his arms as he began lunging forward.

Dodge.

And he was thrown against another wall.

 _What are you doing?!_ He cursed at himself, crawling out of the rubble of the wall that landed on him. _He's going to kill you!_

As he got to his feet again, he bit the inside of his cheek until a small chunk of it came off and blood piled over in his mouth. A baser scream erupted from him, red stains on his teeth. Again, he charged, this time his hand up to counter Snoke's insufferable throwing.

"Enough!" yelled the knight, his force fighting Snoke's. As they tried to overpower each other, arms wavering, Ren continued towards him, lightsaber aiming for lethality. Snoke grimaced, and with a flick of his wrist, he was flung to the sky. He landed not against a wall, but on the hard ground. Air escaped his lungs within an instant, and he struggled desperately for each breath. Beneath the visor of his helmet he watched, almost helplessly, as his teacher raised his hand for another blow. Scrambling up, he ditched his lightsaber to the ground, and used both hands to resist Snoke's gravity.

The struggle was agonising for the wounded Ren, but as his life and mission hung in the balance, he put all of his anger and frustration into his powers. Very subtly, the air in the room shifted, and Snoke took quick notice. He lifted another hand as well, and the scene became both men fighting raw force against raw force. Ren's face started going red as he became drained of energy, then he bit the other side of his cheek, this time deeper, more into the flesh, until blood came pouring out of his scowling, gritting teeth.

The balance teetered more in his side at that moment.

* * *

 _"Why is the dark side so powerful?"_

 _"They have no inhibition," explained Luke. "They accept what comes as a source of strength. When the dark sees pain, suffering, they see an opportunity to become more powerful."_

 _"That doesn't seem so bad," said the young Solo. "I mean, shouldn't we accept our feelings? Embrace them?"_

 _"We do. Just not at the expense of ourselves and others. For us, it's to heal. For them, it's to become more unwound."_

* * *

Suddenly, Snoke was on his back, huffing in exhaustion. Kylo gaped at what he had done. He had bested Snoke in battle, and a mixture of pride and fear enveloped his being. There was no gauging his teacher sometimes, and the fact that he had beaten him to the ground didn't spell a happy ending for Ren.

But then, a dire smile crossed Snoke's lips. "I am very proud of you, Kylo Ren."

The knight, equally whipped from the battle, cocked his head. "What was that?" he interrogated. "Why did you attack me?"

"That was the end to your training," replied Snoke. "Well done."

* * *

 **A/N: This was a shorter chapter for pacing's sake. The next one will be much longer, I promise. Thank you for the favourites and follows!**


	4. Control

Rey was cold in the rain. It poured through her, seeping into her skin and drowning her body. It was suffocating. She watched in plain horror as each step she took demanded precision as to avoid another body. The carnage seemed endless, as each one of her friends and fellow padawans scattered across the landscape for miles.

Fear piled up like bile in her throat, and her eyes were stinging with salty tears. Entire face swollen from incessant sobbing, she could barely distinguish herself and the surroundings. It was hellish, this scene before her.

In the distance she could hear the whipping of sabers, the pure energy cutting through air. And screaming, as the Knights of Ren continued their massacre. It was far off, and she did her best to escape, but she cursed her short legs for not making her leave fast enough. The screaming came closer, footsteps approaching at a faster pace than she could manage. Each sound, as it grew louder, made her throat tighter with panic.

She came to a clearing, dotted with a few rocky structures, one of which had a small hollow, just large enough for her short frame to fit in. She made a mad dash for it, her ears keens on the thud of footsteps that was honing in on her. Every iota of energy she had she poured into sprinting, and felt relief wash over her as she was a hair from sliding into the hollow.

Then, all that force hit her as she was tugged away from solace. A vicelike grip had snagged her by the back of her head, and the stinging pain of being lifted up just by her hair left her to tortured screaming.

"Stop! Stop, it hurts!" she blubbered. "I don't like it! Stop!"

He dropped her, and though she suspected for a millisecond it was out of compliance to her pleas, she saw otherwise when she looked up to see him lift his saber above his head. The unknown knight had a towering, bulky body, and she grimaced to see the saber in the arms of such a terrifying creature. She cowered, arms shielding her face, when suddenly a red lightsaber came through the knight's chest.

As the assailant gurgled and fell, she watched with big eyes as her hero revealed himself to be another knight. This one had a uniquely-shaped saber. It had two short blades protruding from the hilt, and was less fine like most sabers, as if its energy came not from a peaceful mind like Luke taught her, but rather the user's inner turmoil.

She caught herself staring up, and shook from her daze. Rey had no time for confusion or gratitude; when the opportunity arose, she bolted away. Completely expecting the knight to chase after her, she was puzzled to see him stare for a second as she distanced herself from him and then turn away to rejoin the knights.

* * *

Rey awoke dizzy and with sweat collecting around the nape of her neck. Her face was flushed and her heart was racing. This nightmare was nothing new to her, but it took on a shape that she was unused to. Every time she had this dream, it was a haze, more an outline than a solid recurring dream with a constant theme. It was always being chased, being caught, being saved. No names, no faces, no remembrance.

But this time, the dream had clarity. She recognised the planet she was on, she recognised the bodies around her, and most of all, she recognised her saviour for the first time.

And that fact left her even more perplexed.

Rey wiped away the sweat from her head and neck, and shivered at the coldness it left behind on her skin and hair. Sitting up, she put her hair back up into three ponytails, and observed the temple's crude architecture. It was so primal, rudimentary. For such an ancient and coveted structure, it was primitive. It made her chuckle, a chuckle her post-dream self desperately needed to shake off her still remaining fear.

After pulling her vest over her and applying her arm wraps and boots, she was out of the temple, and came topside to meet Luke for their first day of training.

The Jedi master was at his usual spot; the pinnacle of the island, just by a large rock, sitting atop it as he watched the waves. Rey had made the assumption after knowing him for a few days that this was his way of retaking his solitude and sense of completion. Ever since she was introduced back into his life, she noticed he was a little more unwound, a little more at ease. It was difficult to tell whether this was a good or bad thing, but Rey could only hope it was good.

There was no need to announce herself, as Luke had greeted her quietly, still facing away from her. She returned his welcome, and found a place on the ground beside him, sitting obediently on her knees. They shared a few silent moments gazing out into the sea. It occurred to Rey that she could meditate at this spot. It was perfect. Completely isolated, perfectly quiet, and it offered the most gorgeous views and sounds for achieving inner peace.

It was no wonder why Luke went there.

"We're starting with meditation," he mused. "I know it's not the most entertaining, but it's the perfect start to your training." Luke closed his eyes, and leveled his breathing. "In for three seconds, hold."

She mimicked him, closing her eyes and inhaling for the given time. They paused for what she counted to be another four seconds.

"Out for three. Hold."

Again, she followed suit. Already she could feel at ease, her mind opening like an unhatched door. Her head swelled with a crisp, calming feeling, one that she came to know as the force. It was a sensation she welcomed.

She kept breathing to his count, and continued to explore the force as it surrounded her and explored within her.

"Think about Jakku," he requested in a whisper. And she did.

She thought about finding BB-8 in the sand dunes around her home. She thought about how she had rescued him, how she had kept him safe from other scavengers and Unkar. She thought of finding and chasing down Finn, knocking him to his back with her staff, and BB-8 zapping him. Then she thought of stealing the Millennium Falcon and the thrill she felt of evading the First Order's TIE-fighters. Her heart began to race at those memories, and a smile pulled at the corners of her lips.

"It's interesting," he remarked, "that all the good memories you have on Jakku are with the droid and stormtrooper." Luke opened his eyes and glanced her way, though she continued to keep her eyes closed and breathe according to her internal counting. "Now, I want you to concentrate on the happiness these memories give you. Hone in on it. Tap into it, if you will."

"How do I do that?" she asked with a laugh. "That's a really vague command."

"It's not something you can explain. It's something you feel and learn from." Luke turned back to face the sea, his eyes closed again. He thought of dancing with Leia and Han, and the happiness he felt that night after he had saved his father and stopped Palpatine. Harnessing these emotions, he found, was incredibly easy. But he attempted to go back to the base of these studies, and tried to recall how he had first learned to control the force through his sentiments.

"Rey, think of what you love."

For a split second, an unmasked Ren made it into her subconscious. Her eyes whipped open, and she gaped in shock. _What the hell? Why were you thinking of that bastard, Rey?_

Luke glanced her way, his knowing eye sharing a sympathetic look. _It was a fluke_ , he communicated to her. _Just a fluke. Disregard it._

Rey tried again, and she settled into the image of Han and Leia, and Finn. All of them. Her make-shift family. The one she made for herself, not the one she waited for. They would be her loved ones, she decided. She loved them.

"Good. Now, imagine them dead."

"What?" she gasped. "No, Han is already gone, I can't do that, I don't want to!"

"Rey, trust me on this. Imagine the worst case scenario. Imagine them gone, and you being abandoned on another strange planet, alone, with the promise that they were coming back."

A tinge of anger began swelling up inside her. "N-no," she stuttered, voice inhibited by her growing upset. "No! I can't relive that!"

"You did it once. And you came out the other side stronger, Rey." His gaze became urgent. "And if you could do it before, you could keep doing it, and keep becoming stronger. This isn't about not wanting the pain, Rey, it's about wanting to persevere. Now, imagine it!"

She tried not to be hurt by his urging, and nodded hesitantly as she closed her eyes, counted her breaths, and imagined Han, Leia, and Finn massacred before her. To be expected, her throat tightened and her blood ran cold. This scenario was a little too familiar for her liking. She imagined the force that killed them dropping her off somewhere unknown to her, and promising her those he murdered's safe returns. Her hands couldn't help but shake with rage. Every reaction to this fabricated memory was involuntary, and oozed pure hatred. But then, she felt that cooling aura around her, and almost as if it had a voice, it asked to be let in. And she let it.

Rey stopped shaking.

It purged her of these emotions, and left a reminder in the form of a memory.

* * *

 _"Are you okay?" asked Finn, slightly battered on the ground.  
Perplexity dusted her eyes as her brows furrowed. She thought, why is he asking me that when he's the one on the ground in pain? "Yes," she finally replied. "Yes, I'm okay."_

* * *

"You must always remember, Rey, there is love out there for you. Even when you think it's gone, there will be another source."

She looked up at him, thankful that all the anguish he put her through did turn into something better. The exercise had given her the hope that there was a cycle to the pain in life. That one day, when things hurt again, there would be another up. And that hope gave the force within her a more permanent residence. With just one meditation session, she could harness that power with much more ease than before.

"Would you like to take a break?" he asked.

She nodded her head. "Just a short one," she interjected. "I want to keep doing this."

Luke smiled, appreciating her initiative.

* * *

If only Snoke hadn't planned his attack so soon after Ren's return from Starkiller. The knight winced in pain as he got up from his bed after a rather lengthy night of sleep. Recuperation never seemed so interminable. After years of training and battling, he had become rather talented at healing after a fight. It was impressive to be so formidable in battle and out. Truly he was a force to be had.

But, even Kylo Ren could only take so much. Two bad beatings in a row had left him nearly immobile. It was imperative that he took what rest he could, and to avoid any and all combat until he was in a more healthy state.

As he sat at the edge of his bed, he was reminded of Rey's attack on Starkiller. The girl had really done a number on him. It bothered him that she had become so powerful in his absence. It had always been his goal to train her, but there she had been, his reckoning. His complement. She truly encompassed what he wasn't.

That bothered Ren.

He had meant what he said back on Jakku. He had greatly wanted to guide her, to implant his seed of knowledge, and watch it grow within her until she was just as capable a foe as he. The yearning for such an influence over Rey had remained with him since the day he left her on that planet. He had always wanted to go back.

He looked up at his helmet, seated at the other side of the room.

He had a mission. And although he wanted to nothing more than to go find the scavenger girl and begin training, he knew what was more important.

Getting to his feet, he made way for the ship's cafeteria, hoping to grab something wholesome to aid him in his healing.

* * *

 **A/N: Got a lot of follows after the last chapter! Wanted to say a little thank you for the support, it means a lot. I apologise if the story seems slow at the moment, I still have some big plans coming up, and rather soon, too. Stay tuned!**


	5. Dissociation

**A/N: First review! Yay! So, I've seen the movie three times now, and I just bought the "Before the Awakening" novel and I'm reading up on my dear Rey. I'm learning so much about her and Jakku! I'll use this novel to help explain her better in this story.**

 **To bluetigresss: Thank you! That means a lot to me. And trust me, I have a lot of plans for them. I'll take it as slowly as possible.**

* * *

Rey had always imagined her father to be tall and thin, with a disheveled mop of black hair, and a wide smile that shone the bright light within him. She had always imagined her mother even taller, and with wisps of golden-brown locks, falling to her neck, with tired but prideful eyes. She imagined they were pilots for the resistance, and that their promise to return would be fulfilled once they stopped the First Order. She played with this idea for the 14 lonely years on Jakku, pretending to be them as she skillfully evaded cruisers and fighters on her makeshift simulator she had built. To be the esteemed pilots of the Republic granted her unusual pride, despite her containment on the desert planet.

And although she now knew the true nature of her parents, she couldn't find it within herself to lose that pride, to dissolve that image of them. Because whether or not it were true, that idea she held had shaped her into who she was now, and she couldn't let go of her growth, even if it had come from false pretenses.

Luke had told her on her seventh day training with him that things just were what they were, that you have to accept them, and find the good they brought, because otherwise life is searching for something that isn't there. It took her a while to accept that, seeing how she had been waiting for ghosts for over a decade, but now that she had, she felt freed.

Each meditation session had continued to open her up, and after a few dozen of them now, she could easily feel the force and access it, knowing it as a friend rather than a mysterious, intangible entity. What was once a confusing and frustrating endeavor to tap into a power she didn't know she had and couldn't grasp was now as easy as breathing. It was second nature. And though she had a lot to learn, her quick progress ushered in a wave of hope that her training would succeed Kylo's in no time.

So, as the mentor and apprentice met at the beach where she had first offered him his saber, he had her kneel at the shoreline, atop the rocky pebbles, right as the tide came in. He was a few feet behind her, on his feet, watching intently. At first the waves barely met her knees, leaving a short line of wetness on her pants.

"Are we meditating again," asked the Kenobi, staring out ahead, her posture impeccable.

"Not today. I believe it's time I teach you some battle tactics."

"In the ocean?" came her incredulous reply.

Luke chuckled. "Yes, actually."

And then, she heard the crackling of a lightsaber behind her. He had readied his. For a split second, she panicked. She was unarmed. Were this to be an actual battle, Rey would be defenseless. There would be no even ground for their fight, and she would be struck down immediately.

However, before that train of thought could leave the station, she saw a saber slide on the ground and land beside her right thigh. Her hand instinctively reached down to grab it.

"No," he commanded.

"What-?"

"Do not use your hands. Use the force. You know it, so use it."

She turned at that. "What do you mean? It's right there, it would be easier to just pick it up."

Eyes narrowing, his reply came tersely, "Yes, and you've spent a week sharpening your force skills. Now use them. Even if it seems a mediocre application, use them. Imagine you don't have arms. Imagine all you have is the force. _Just use it_."

Rey had come to learn that, although he was incapable of true anger, he was rather irritable when she questioned him. The woman nodded, and applied what she knew of the force to have the saber lift into her open palm. She watched as Luke nodded, and his severe expression softened into a pleased smile. Then, she turned back to face the water.

"I'm going to run at you and aim a hit on your right arm. Block it."

There wasn't much time to process what he said before she could hear the thudding of his feet as he approached her. With the saber now in her hand, she hurried to position it behind her, a shield for her arm.

But, for a millisecond, she felt a gnawing sensation in her spine. It was cold, frantic, conveying a message she couldn't understand through words, rather through feeling. The feeling told her _he lied. Block the left._

And in the second before his saber could connect with her skin, she shifted it to the left and blocked the blow.

Luke staggered back, his face lighting up with pride. "Incredible," he laughed.

She didn't look back, because her face was dire with fear. She could've lost an arm if she didn't listen to that feeling, and she was a little shaken from that fact.

"How did you know that I was lying?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"I don't know, I think it was the force, but, I don't know..."

Luke approached her and knelt beside her, his hand a comforting presence on her shoulder. "Rey, it _was_ the force. You deciding to trust it protected you." He leaned forward, his eyes thinning and grin widening. "Remember that. Whenever you're unsure of your opponent's deliberations, trust the force. It will tell you what to do." Then he stood. "And as it grows stronger, you'll no longer fear the unknown."

That idea left her the tiniest sensation of relief, though it was dim in comparison to the panic that she was weening off of.

"Would you have actually hurt me if I didn't trust what I felt?" she asked, somewhat regretful that she needed an answer.

As he walked back to his original position, his head glanced at her from over his soldier. "I don't know. I guess it's good I believed that you would listen to it." His smile grew impish, almost kid-like.

Rey chuckled, still a little anxious, but glad everything worked out for the best.

* * *

 _When the time comes, you'll know. You'll know when you're ready, when it's the most opportune occasion to complete your mission._

 _You'll know, Ben._

Kylo Ren awoke with a start, his eyes frantically pacing the room, keen on a familiar figure. However, as his heartbeat began to slow down, he realised he had relived an old memory, one he had necessitated stifling early on in his life. He rubbed his eyes, shaking the dream off, gazing into his mind as he watched the images literally disintegrate into blackness.

A power unique to himself was erasing memories. He had taught it to himself a long while ago, for reasons unknown to him, presumably because he had erased them. Ren would never know the reason for learning, and the memories he had already blocked out, until they came careening back without warning. A side effect of an unrefined talent.

The memories would be gone for a good while, supposedly forever, Ren figured. But every memory in a few dozen would come back, and if it wasn't smothered at that instance, it could resurface, along with all other memories destroyed. So the knight made it habitual to erase what would return immediately. There was no room for the past. Not when so much was on the line.

He rose up from his bed, and observed his wounds. They were fully-healed, at long last. A week off his feet was a waste in his mind. Knowing he had lost so much time left him irritable, but he pushed away that thought as he got dressed in his robes. He stood before the bathroom mirror and admired the scar along the length of his face. He had to admit, it looked awesome. If he could thank the scavenger for it, he would.

After a few seconds staring at himself, he took a deep breath and put the helmet on. Then he left for the control room.

When he arrived, he noticed General Hux, as stoic as ever, scolding a trainee. She was young, with dark skin and light eyes, and a frantic expression on her face. He wasn't within hearing range, but the conversation was obvious. She had fucked up.

A smile crossed his lips under his mask.

Hux left her to her computer, and she tapped at the keyboard with rigid digits, her face drained of colour. Hux had noticed the knight and began walking his way. Hux greeted him cordially, although without much emotion.

"Hello, Ren."

"Hux."

"Snoke had me pass a message to you. He wants you to know there's a new objective and that you should meet with him posthaste."

Kylo watched Hux cross his arms behind his back, and nearly grimaced. Snoke still didn't have the map to Skywalker, yet there was another mission. If there was something surpassing the importance of finding the galaxy's last jedi, it mustn't be good.

Ren nodded to the general, and turned away, pacing for Snoke's meeting room. Ideas of what Snoke may want crossed his mind like a six-lane highway, idea after idea whizzing by in a dizzying fray. None of the ideas held much merit, and all made him tense up. When he arrived at the doors to the room, he took a deep inhale, and pressed his thumbprint on the keylock. The doors hissed and opened, and Kylo entered, each step heavy and deliberate.

Snoke was in the center of the empty room, sitting atop his throne, his pale skin glimmering under the light. Ren approached him quickly, and stood a good ten feet away.

"What do you need of me, Supreme Leader?"

Snoke's eyes glazed over with light as they scanned his apprentice slowly. He took maybe forty seconds before he responded, and each second was painstaking for the on-edge Ren.

"You're hiding something," he whispered, barely audible.

"What would I hide?" asked Ren, almost offended.

"I'm not sure. It's dim within you. Something you are even trying to hide from yourself." His tiny eyes narrowed quizzically. "Whatever it is, you are ashamed of it. Is it killing your father?"

Ben scoffed. "Never. He was weak, he held me back. I'm glad he's dead."

Snoke nodded hesitantly. Kylo knew that he didn't believe him, but he didn't care. There was nothing he could do to fully earn the leader's trust.

"The scavenger girl. I want her," finally came his request.

Ren's eyes widened under the visor, but he still held himself calmly. "What for, Supreme Leader?"

"That is for me to know, Ren. You will do what I say."

He shook his head. "Forgive my curiosity, but I am still healing. I do not want to risk further injury unless I know this is important."

"I do not like the way you command yourself, Ren. I am the leader. You will listen, no questions." Snoke paused. "However, I suppose you have earned an explanation." Straightening in his seat, he leaned forward. "I will either train her or kill her. If she is open to me, the former. If not, which I wholly expect, the latter. But that much potential can not roam the galaxy with no reins." Snoke smiled crookedly. "She is a bomb waiting to explode. Let her be our kamikaze, not our enemy's."

Ben felt himself shake, and as desperately as he tried to calm himself, he himself had a short fuse. Anyone who had worked on the same ship as him had known this. And the idea of Snoke taking Rey for himself was distressing in ways the knight couldn't explain.

He nodded, ready to leave the room and release his anger on a nearby wall panel, when Snoke called after him, "You care for the girl."

Ren looked back, his mouth gaping. "I do not! She is the enemy! Just because I want to harness her potential doesn't mean I feel anything for her!" Usually he would restrain himself in front of Snoke, but his comment left him shivering with rage.

Snoke chuckled darkly. "You do not know yourself well at all. I'll tell you what. If she does join us, I'll let her be your little plaything." Snoke's smile was vile. "How do you like that?"

There was an echo in the back of Ben Solo's mind. It was persistent, growing louder and louder, until it became almost a scream. The relentless pounding in the back of his mind was encompassing, and soon it drowned out reality itself. He tried honing on the echo to decipher its message. It came in a quiet, small voice, a voice so small and quiet he couldn't believe it could be so loud.

 _"I'm gonna miss you when you finish your training, Ben."_

 _I'm gonna miss you._

 _Ben._

Kylo tried to follow the voice, to chase after it, running, sprinting, his arms outstretched and within a hair of the message. He touched it, and an image popped up into his mind. It was her. It was the scavenger girl. But she was young, adorned in a padawan outfit. She was smiling, and holding her hand up. Infinitely perplexed, he touched the hand, and then she was her usual age again. The knight had so many questions for the vision, but before he could ask them, Rey was gone. Instead he saw his uncle, Luke.

In the dark cavern that was his mind stood Luke's figure. He approached him slowly, and gave him a knowing smile.

"Now's the time, Ben," said the apparition. "Finish your mission." He put his hand on his face, a feeling that awakened a hole in his heart. He felt striking pain, and noticed as tears welled up in his eyes.

And then the black ebbed away. Snoke was there again, an angry look cracking into the wrinkled of his face. He had spent the last couple minutes trying to awake the spaced-out Ren. Ren stood, still blankly staring, but focused on the feeling of Luke's hand on his cheek.

"What was that?" he yelled.

When Ben looked up, he didn't see his teacher anymore. He saw First Order's emperor Snoke, the tyrant that threatened the stability of the galaxy, the monster that was destined to indoctrinate trillions of lives, who took would-be Jedi and made them dark. He saw evil. Pure evil.

And he had never been so confused in his entire life.

Visions echoed in the depths of his subconscious, reminding him that when the time came, he had to do what was right. He didn't know where these memories came from, but he couldn't doubt the validity of them. They were there, and although they were unfamiliar, they felt real to him.

And he heard her voice again. She said his name.

 _Ben_.

Involuntarily, as if a puppet being pulled by strings, he brought out his lightsaber, and glared at the emperor as it broke out into a ferocious red flame.

"What are you doing, Ren?" asked Snoke in a low, vicious tone. "You're out of line."

"My name is not Ren," he replied quietly. And then he lunged forward.

His blade didn't connect, instead he was thrown across the room, an action he recalled a little too easily after only a week of healing. However, he got off the ground as soon as he hit it, and charged after Snoke.

They continued like this for a few iterations. The knight would run after the emperor, he would be thrown into the air, and he'd get up without a second thought. He had managed to land one or two blows, but the old man was more resilient than he once imagined. Even though he appeared to be frail and soft, he could take quite a hit. This was troubling for Ben, because no matter how hard he hit, it wasn't hard enough.

And he was taking quite a beating.

On his last foot, he took another step toward Snoke, and as the man raised his hands to lift his apprentice up, Ben closed his eyes. He pressed the saber into his forearm, and let it burn the flesh for a few seconds. He screamed in pain, but felt the power overwhelm him. His eyes, burning bright with power, met Snoke's and he charged again. Snoke couldn't break Ben's hold on his powers, and he watched, almost helpless, as his apprentice barreled into him, and felt the saber pierce his stomach.

They shared eons of their lives in a two second gaze, and then Ben pulled away, teeth gritting, as he watched Snoke crumple to the ground.

"This isn't over," said the injured emperor, somehow smiling despite his life-threatening wound. "This will never be over."

And then the alarms sounded. Before Solo could land another hit and finish off the elder on the ground, there were already blasters aimed and shooting at him. With no time to think, he darted toward the door and made a quick escape, using his fading energy to block all shots that came after him.

Dozens of troopers were chasing him, just as confused as he was about his betrayal. Having trained there for years, the young man knew exactly how to get from Snoke's corridor to the shipyard. It felt like years as he dodged every laser that nearly hit him, turned sharp corners, and jumped down walkways just to get to the loading dock as quickly as possible. Then he saw it. Dozens of ships before him, and only a few minutes before he couldn't run anymore.

He zoned in on one specific TIE-fighter, one he had learned to drive because his uncle insisted on pilot lessons. Never had he thought the skill would save his life. Cutting down droves of troopers in his way just to get to the ship, he was on the verge of collapsing. But there it was. His escape. He climbed up into the cockpit, used his level-6 clearance to unhook it from its hovel, and put all the thrusters on to max. It shook and shot off the ground, flying away from the dock at a disorienting speed. He knew that the ship's cannons would be locked onto him, so he scrambled to find the lightspeed panel. It seemed millennia before he located it, and when he did, he pushed each button with ferocity, and pushed the throttle all the way forward.

He could hear the incoming scream of four cannons as they locked onto him. Right before they could collide, he sped forward, and knew that as he jumped to lightspeed, he had made his escape.

* * *

The water had now reached her upper thighs, leaving her chilled to the bone.

Luke had kept trying the trust exercises, coming at her without telling her his plan, and she would have to block via her force-sensitivity. However as she heard his steps approach her again and she cocked her arms to block the next blow, he stopped.

She turned around and saw him stare up at the sky, his face paling.

"What's wrong?" she asked, genuinely afraid.

That's when she saw the First Order's TIE-Fighter enter the planet's atmosphere.


	6. Miss You

**A/N: Thanks everyone for all the reviews, follows, and favourites! I apologise if the story is still confusing after this chapter. More clarity will come up in each chapter that's posted. It'll all make sense eventually.**

 **Again, I'd like to thank you all for the feedback! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

Thoughts were coming at him like a swarm. Memories resurfacing faster than he could count, faster than he could focus. They were snowflakes falling in their unending army, demanding to be noticed, but he couldn't do so. Everything was locked onto him, and despite being able to attach to one memory in every few hundred that zipped through his mind and ride it until it fizzled like a falling star, he couldn't decipher the mess.

His past was an amalgamation. Deformed by an outside force. Indeterminate due to the tampering of an untrained man's memory wiping abilities. He was the antithesis and crux of a blank slate.

These facts, accompanied with the incessant presence of memories that both were and weren't his, left Ben Solo to lay his pounding head in two gripping hands, fingers clawing deep into his temples, his eyes watering. Already being rather mercurial and emotional, slight inconveniences easily brought his wrath. But now, with all these events having occurred, and all these memories being uncovered, he was a wreck. He was more than just angry. He was the union of fear, confusion, and unadulterated rage.

His fighter had landed on the lowest point on the island, on a bed of green, swaying grass, which glowed blue in the twilight sky. It shuddered indefinitely, having been left on due to the incapacitated Ben. He waited, knowing that his uncle and the girl were on that island. He knew they were there, for their combined force-sensitivities were omnipresent on this island, being magnified immensely by the power of the old jedi temple.

Still, he had no idea how he knew what island on what planet on what system they'd be located. A side effect of having a waterfall of information rain upon you without you having any time to center on any of it.

It didn't take long for the two jedis to find his TIE-fighter. Ben watched with grey eyes as the ship's hatch opened and his uncle entered it with haste.

"What are you doing here?" he asked quietly, helping the dark knight out of the ship.

"What do you mean? He's here for the First Order! He's here to kill you," cried Rey, insistence in her voice. "Don't go near him. He's a monster."

Luke shot a glance her way – not really a glare, but it held no fondness in it. She could only take it to mean "be quiet." With anyone else, she would bite back, she would defend herself, she wouldn't relent. Her words mattered, and her mind still flashed those images of being interrogated by him every night. He was a nightmare to her.

But he was also Luke's nephew.

With overwhelming reluctance, she took a step back, and let the old jedi assist his kin.

"I don't know," finally replied the deflated Ren. "I don't know why I'm here." He looked up at Luke weakly, and promptly passed out in his arms.

Luke eagerly carried his nephew over his shoulder. He made his path clear; he was going down into the temple to let the man rest.

Rey followed, her footsteps short and light. She couldn't look at Luke, for every glance up at him was met with the limp body of Kylo Ren. And every time she saw him she shivered. He was the feeling of sand biting her face whilst she rode her cruiser on Jakku. Unpleasant, unremitting, and irredeemable. He was everything she could hate in a being.

So she kept her head down, and tried to steady her racing heart with breathing.

3 in. Hold. 3 out. Hold.

It took ages to reach the other side of the island. The cool air stung her eyes as she descended the crumbling steps that led into the temple. Soon enough, they had made way into the room she had become abundantly familiar with. It was _her_ room, she deemed.

And now that monster was sleeping in it.

She pouted, almost like a child, and slid down one wall of the room and sat. Crossed arms and snake eyes watched from across the room as Luke assisted the worn-out Knight of Ren.

"I can't believe this is happening," whispered Rey, her voice wavering. "I can't believe he found us. And I can't believe you're just letting him stay." Her words were biting, but Luke disregarded them. He had wizened enough over the years to know she meant what she said, but that she was also shaken. The teen would ease up soon.  
"You remember when I said there is a lot you don't know?" he asked, placing a blanket over Ben's body.

"Yes."

"He is one thing you don't know about." Luke looked her way. Despite cryptic wording that dodged all progress and meaning, Rey took what she could, and assumed she would understand soon enough.

But for the night, she would rest. This was more than she could handle in just one day.

"I'll go sleep on the Falcon. Will you watch him?" The last word dripped with enmity, almost tangibly.

Luke nodded, continuing to watch his nephew closely. Rey examined the old jedi, and could've sworn she saw the glisten of a tear in the corner of his eye. For a moment, empathy washed over her, and she regretted her haste in condemning the Solo in front of his uncle. Regardless of his evils, Kylo Ren still had family that loved him. It wasn't up to her to be his judge.

She left the room and gave Luke a short message conveyed through the force.

 _I'm sorry_.

* * *

 _Tiny footsteps left light impressions in the dirt as Rey struggled to keep up with her friend. Being fifteen meant his longer legs could take longer steps, and even though he walked at a pace that was proportional to hers, she still couldn't quite make up the difference._

 _"Could you slow down?" she huffed, her feet shuffling to a halt._

 _"I gotta get to Master Luke," he replied. "It's important. You know that my training's almost up." His head turned forward and he began walking in his long strides again._

 _"Wait!" she yelled, speeding up to a run. "You're so big and I can't walk that fast."_

 _He stopped on his heels, and plopped down on the ground. She took her spot beside him._

 _"Thanks, Benni."_

 _He rolled his eyes._

 _"This is important to me, Rey. Uncle Luke says he's got something important for me. Like, a super special jedi mission."_

 _She nodded. "I know... I just don't want you to leave."_

 _"So you're stalling?" he asked lightly._

 _"What's 'stalling'?"_

 _"You're keeping me waiting so you can spend more time with me."_

 _"Yeah!" she chirped. "You're my best friend. I'm gonna miss you when you finish your training, Ben."_

 _He grinned widely, and got to his feet. She joined him._

 _"I'll miss you too, buddy. But, who knows, you're pretty strong, too. Maybe you'll be joining me soon."_

 _She nodded, somewhat sated with that response. He held out his hand for her, and she took it. Then they made way for Luke again, this time walking much slower._

* * *

Rey awoke not from the bizarre dream, but from the deafening wailing of an upset wookiee. She flung out of her bed, and chased out of the Millennium Falcon wearing only her undershirt and pants – her sleeping garment.

As she made her way outside, the brisk air nipped at her many inches of exposed skin. The roaring came from a short distance up the steps. Ascending the steps in large bounds, she found the source of distress had come from a little quarrel between Luke and Chewbacca. She had entered the scene at the butt-end of it, and could hear the wookiee growl about Ben. She could only assume Luke had informed him of Ren's arrival, and now Chewie sought retribution.

"You can't do that! He's not dark anymore. He's here to help," insisted Luke.

Chewbacca shook his head furiously, and attempted to shove his way past Luke.

"No!" he shouted. This took Rey by shock, for she had never seen Luke so uneasy and angry. He could always hold himself together around her, but now he was frantic, and clearly on edge. "You don't know him like I do, furball!"

Rey snickered at the name, alerting them both. Luke's eyes went frighteningly wide when he saw her, and then he glanced right back at Chewbacca, a finger prodding his furry chest. "I mean it. Stay away from him. At least until you calm down." Without another word, he swung around and meandered up the steps to presumably go check in on Kylo Ren. Chewbacca, still seething after the encounter, stormed straight past Rey, sharing not a word, and climbed back into the Falcon.

The girl stood on the battleground, the wind helping to clear the air after all that had unfolded. As she stood she reflected on Luke's wording, bewildered by how he could say Ren wasn't dark.

"Yes he is," she mumbled, her fists clenching.

She whipped around and joined the wookiee on-board the ship, and readied herself for another day of training.

* * *

When Ben Solo awoke, he stirred slightly, coming to his surroundings slowly. He was in the temple, he assumed, for the structure was ancient and vaguely familiar to him. There was a heavy blanket atop his body, keeping his heat in, which he desperately needed. The injuries he sustained after the struggle with Snoke left him in need of recuperation yet again, and he was also notably susceptible to the cold. And there was his uncle, kneeling at his feet, awake but avoiding eye contact with Solo. He turned his head and closed his eyes, and felt the presence of Rey behind him, sitting at the third step from the bottom of the set that led down there.

He had plenty of company.

"What do you remember?" asked Luke, looking up at long last.

"I can't tell," came his hoarse reply. "I remember a lot, but I can't distinguish anything. It's all coming back too fast." The dark-haired man opened his eyes and met his master's gaze. "I remember my training. That's what's prominent in my mind. And then I remember your mission for me. Which I failed." He winced, always one to pride in his likelihood of success.

But Luke only nodded, no chagrin betrayed in his eyes. He was calm, understanding. He kept listening, keen, and forgiving.

"Snoke is injured. He'll heal soon. I don't know why it happened, but he said something to me, and suddenly..." Ben sat up in the bed, groaning as he did so. Pain was familiar and unpleasant as always to him. "Suddenly, I wasn't _me_ , or rather, Kylo Ren, anymore. I didn't feel right. In that moment you came up and told me to finish my mission, and I remembered what to do, and I attacked Snoke." He shook his head. "But why can't I remember anything else?"

"I taught you to erase your memories when they came up," said the Skywalker. "Snoke would pick up on the light in your memories. I couldn't jeopardise the mission with you holding back your past. It would've been best if you had just forgotten it all together."

Rey spoke up. "What is this mission?"

Ben shuddered at her voice, which stung him like an open wound having salt poured upon it. There was so much regret he held for his past with her, and her being anywhere near him left his heart pounding.

"I gave him the mission to kill Snoke years ago." Luke gazed Rey's way. "When he was fifteen. He had volunteered, and I trained him on how to discern light and dark. I wanted him to truly know the difference between both sides, and use them interchangeably." Then the older man looked at his nephew again. "I can feel overwhelming dark in you, Ben. My training failed."

"As did the mission," he replied emptily. "What did you expect? A fifteen year old not to be corrupted by the dark? I trained under Snoke for a decade." He couldn't manage to look into his uncle's eyes. "I don't even have an identity anymore." It was true that the dark side in him outweighed the light. Try as he might, the memories of his past, training with Luke, having friends and knowing Rey, none of it wiped clean the residence of dark in his psyche. He had been on that side for too long, mingling with its members, becoming more akin to Snoke than to Luke. To Leia. To Han.

Suddenly, his face contorted, pain plastered across his features in a distorted mask. He whimpered feebly, and covered his face with shaking hands as he remembered what he had done.

"I killed dad," he whispered. "I killed my dad."

Luke came forward, and sat at his side, a hand on his cheek. "I know, Ben, it's okay-"

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no..." The young man shook uncontrollably. "No! It's not okay!" He looked up, both anger and sorrow coalescing in his dark eyes. "I murdered my father! How is that okay?"

"Ben, you just have to-"

"I can't believe I went through with this. It's cost me so much."

Luke frowned, aware that there was nothing he could do. Still, he said, "You knew the costs. You said it was worth it. And I still believe that you think it is."

"You don't know anything, Luke." His eyes met his uncle's with nothing but animosity. "Go."

And with that, Luke resigned. With a regretful nod, he got to his feet, and left the room. As he passed Rey on the stairs, he noticed the confusion clouding her mind. Before his departure, he left her a message.

 _I'll tell you more later. He needs time alone_.

She nodded, her eyes glued to Ren in front of her. She replied, _I'll join you in a second. I need to say something_.

Luke trusted Rey not to hurt him, so he left her to her plan.

With Rey and Ben now alone in the room, she stood and took Luke's place beside Ben on the floor. He refused to look at her, and she could feel him blocking his mind from her. A frown tugged at the corners of her lips.

"I remember you," she said.

"And I, you."

Brows furrowed, she leaned closer. "We were friends?"

He nodded.

"There's no way. How could you have left me on Jakku? Killed all our friends? Tortured me? If we were friends you wouldn't have done that."

His lips pursed, and she could see the tears remaining in his eyes. "I didn't remember you as a friend. I remembered you as a little girl with a lot of potential, one I would train someday."

An itch in the back of her mind, sitting there like a rock, unmoving and demanding notice, finally gave itself a voice. "Did you take away my memories on Jakku?" Cracks made their way into her voice despite her insane effort to remain stoic.

And he was quiet. He had nothing to say, which made anger bubble up her throat like magma, and she yelled, "Tell me!"

"I did," whispered Ben. Then he looked at her. "I can't tell you my motives. I don't remember why myself. And if I could go back and undo everything I did, I would. Because I am just as miserable as you are." He looked away again. "I'd like to be left alone."

She shook her head, even more angry at him than she was before. When she got to her feet, she stormed out of the room with clenched fists. Before she left, however, she stopped at the first step.

"I don't care if you don't remember. You still killed all of my friends, left me to spend fourteen years alone and fending for my life, and took Han away from me." Tears welled up in her eyes. "I bet you didn't even miss me when you left."

When she was gone, Ben sat up again, head hanging over his legs, arms holding his stomach tightly as it turned inside out with regret.

"You're wrong," he called after her. "I can remember that day when I left."

He knew she couldn't hear him, so he talked to her with the force.

 _I did miss you._

Her reply never came.


	7. Purge

She found him exactly where she had been, though the aging day had ushered in a higher tide. Just meters ahead of her was the old jedi, knees sinking into the cold sand, as freezing water passed over his lap and settled into the earth behind him. It was impossible for Rey to understand how he could stand that encompassing, shivering aqua. Thus, she set forth, and met him at his side, settling down onto her calves. It was quiet at first, neither sharing greeting, a gaze, a breath, even.

The air went still.

The water, she found, was as cold as she had imagined. Contact with it resulted in an immediate reaction of goosebumps sprouting up on her arms and legs. The girl shivered, and glanced to her master, who, with his hood discarded and face unobstructed, looked tranquil. There was no evidence of imbalance within him. This left Rey endlessly in awe.

Slowly, wind picked up, and brushed through the two's hair, lifted each strand up and embracing it, before bidding farewell and continuing up the face of the hill. The minutia of nature became more and more visible to Rey as her training picked up. She could feel every deviation in the direction of wind, every pitch difference in the lapping tide, even every individual blade of grass swaying against her exposed ankle as she explored the hill.

It was strange, she mused, to be this familiar, this intimate, with something so vast, so easily unnoticed, so infinite that even deliberate acquainting would matter little.

Luke turned her way, but his eyes remained lowered, connected indefinitely with the waves crashing into his legs.

"Now it is your turn," he murmured, allowing his words to weep, sadness betrayed by his wavering voice. "How much do you remember?"

 _I'm gonna miss you._

Rey could only focus on the dream. Was it memory? Was it coincidence? Discerning it proved troubling, for she knew it could only be a memory, but that fact left her chilled to her core. Being affiliated, rather _friends_ with Kylo Ren seemed despicable, almost a betrayal of herself. The idea was cold, it felt like hot water hitting frost-nibbled fingers. It hurt her in the most ambigious and encumbering manner.

 _I'm gonna miss you._

The air went from slowly stirring to a frenzied whir. It was frantic, practically anxious, tugging at her, screaming at her. But she could not focus on it. The dream was overwhelming. It consumed her, and she let it.

It didn't matter anymore if she hated Kylo Ren. She was desperate to know the past he took away from her, even if he was the most important part of it. Rey needed to know who she was before Jakku.

Before consciousness slipped away at her, she heard Luke offer reassurance, and then he grabbed her, placing her carefully on the dry ground. The moment preceding her escape from reality, she saw Luke frown, say something unintelligible, and felt something cold and wet hit her cheek. It rolled down the length of it, reaching her jaw right as she was gone.

* * *

 _Dark. Very dark. Black, actually._

 _She blinked._

 _She couldn't tell if her eyes actually opened._

 _But a voice echoed, behind her, she thought, but then it was in front of her. Around her. Bouncing back and forth as if it was hitting a collection of mirrors placed in a circle encompassing Rey. Her ears were focused on the voice, trying to catch it as it bounced again and headed for her._

 _"Uncle."_

 _Her eyes widened at the familiarity of the voice. It bounced again._

 _"Scared."_

 _She chased after it, her legs somehow weak and challenging. They felt like jelly. She could control each one, but they wouldn't give much back. It was taxing, to say the least. Still, she pursued the voice, and noticed in the far distance as a light emanated. It was dim due to its length away from Rey, but seeing it sparked energy within her. With what strength she had, she sprinted forward, ignoring her legs' lethargy. The light came closer with each step._

 _And when she arrived, the blackness behind her dissolved. It had been holding her up, she found, for when it disappeared she fell into the light._

* * *

When Rey looked around her, she felt small, as if she was a few feet shorter. Her gaze sunk down, and she nearly jumped at the sight of her tiny body. Her arms were chubby and soft, and her outfit was both familiar and unfamiliar. The colours were reminiscent of her attire on Jakku, but it was also thicker, and more akin to a robe.

Then she looked up. Unbeknownst to her, her legs were moving her forward. They were moving her towards a shelter, its front door slightly ajar. From within she heard quiet mumbling, a conversation masked by the outer walls of the housing. When she came close, the musings became more distinguishable. Rey had noticed she had no control of her body, if it even was hers. It moved separate from her wishes, and she was merely a viewer.

The body leaned into the structure, ears leaning into the crack in the door.

She heard Luke's voice. As well as Ben's.

Kylo's, she corrected inwardly.

Though it was higher, and more soft. Not the coarse, low rumble she was accustomed to and sincerely afraid of.

She leaned in further, and listened.

"Did you tell Han and Leia about this?" questioned the elder, almost sternly, as if lecturing Ren.

She couldn't see what was going on inside, so she conjured up her own mental image.

The girl assumed Ren to be timid, holding his arms close to his chest, his wispy black hair tangled behind him in a mess of sweat and dirt. He would wear the padawan robes.

Padawan robes.

Rey remembered her attire.

It clicked within her that she really _was_ in her own body.

 _A memory,_ came a known voice, intruding upon her inner thoughts. _The only insight I'll offer you, Rey. Now I want you to experience all of this alone. I want you to remember Ben and I as we actually are._

And the voice was gone.

Her body was tugging her away from Luke's message as it peered within the door frame. She caught a glimpse of the two. Luke looked so much younger, she noticed. And he only just started sprouting hairs from his chin, which formed a light-coloured line across his jaw. Luke crossed his arms and leaned back into a table behind him. Before him was Ben.

She felt a tinge of excitement, warmness. A feeling of fondness that was foreign to Rey. Looking into the face of the young knight left her happy, which disgusted her.

"N-not yet," said Ben, and Rey focused in on the conversation. "I don't want them to know. They'd be worried."

Luke nodded. "It's okay, Ben. I'll tell them, and assure them of your safety." Suddenly, Luke's eyes narrowed, and Rey's small frame pulled her away from the door. She couldn't see in anymore, but after a pause, Luke continued, which assured her that they weren't noticed. Yet.

"I know you're afraid of Snoke, Ben. I know of your temptations." The jedi's voice grew urgent. "Snoke has been alluring you from the very beginning, I'm afraid."

She could hear a small whimper, presumably from Ben.

"Since I was a baby?" he asked. She could hear no answer.

"This mission I've been preparing you for. I think it's time I tell you what it actually is."

"I don't like this, uncle." Ben's voice sounded so quiet, so innocent. Rey genuinely sympathised with him. Had he actually been toyed with by Snoke since he was a kid? She wondered.

"I know you don't, Ben." A silence lengthened the anxiety Rey's little body felt. It was fearful for the fate of its best friend. But, eventually the answer had to be known, and she tensed at the sound of Luke's voice.

"You're going to accept Snoke's training."

She heard a gasp from the room, and subsequently Ben yelling his objections. He had been known to have a short fuse. It was something Rey had come to fear about him, but she was also one of the few people to be able to calm him down. She desperately wanted to go in there and make him feel better, but fear glued her to her spot.

At that moment, Rey couldn't tell if what she felt belonged to her, or her younger self. Every feeling mingled together, stewing to become a concoction of familiarity, and love, in addition to fear and loathing. She wanted to hate him, but those emotions paled in the presence of her younger self's affection for her "best friend Benni."

In the end, she could only feel pain for Ben Solo.

"I don't want to, uncle," he whimpered, his voice fragile. He was somewhat nasally, due to the sobbing she could hear from within. "I'm scared."

"You have to, Ben." Footsteps sounded inside the house, and she assembled the scene before her: Luke walks up to Ben, kneels down, and places a hand on his face. "And it's going to get harder."

No response, so Luke continues.

"You're going to have to do whatever Snoke asks of you. Even if that means killing me, your family, your friends. You'll do everything he demands, because if you're going to assassinate Snoke, you'll have to be incredibly close to him, Ben."

"I'm assassinating Snoke?" his voice came in a quiet mumble.

"Yes, Ben. I'll tell you more of this plan later, but I want you to go sleep. Think about what I've told you. You must prepare yourself for the worst."

"Of course, uncle." She heard footsteps approach the door, and before she could make her escape, Ben was there. His face betrayed the effect the conversation had on him. His cheeks and lips were puffy, and his eyes were a deep pink, and the glisten of tears were smeared on every inch of his features. He locked eyes with Rey, whimpered once more, and walked forward.

"Ben-!" she called after him, but he wouldn't turn back. Her heart sank to see him so low. The tiny legs that kept her rooted toward the door now sprinted forward after her friend, but she was stopped by a force. Her body was still in the air, still assuming a running stance. She looked behind her to see Master Luke with his hand up, holding her in the air.

"Rey..."

He let go of her, and she knew she was in trouble. Turning the other way, she met Luke at the door frame, and stood with her head hanging.

Luke knelt before her, now at eye level with the little girl.

"You're going to be a part of this mission, too. Come with me."

Rey watched as he stood and entered the shelter. As she moved forward to join him, everything went black again. And as everything went back, she fell again.

* * *

Rey jolted up, her eyes wide, swiping side to side as she assessed her surroundings. The ground was beneath her, a solid and comforting presence after having fallen into oblivion. Heart racing and hands shaking she looked up at Luke, who watched her with tired eyes. Jaw slightly hanging, she gazed deeply into him, and searched into the abyss for answers. But he blocked her out. He blocked her out, damn it!

Shaking not from panic, but now from anger, she leaned closer to him, and gritted her teeth.

"I was a part of this?" yelled Rey. "I was five years old, and you made me a part of your wretched scheme?"

Luke was weary, therefore offering no answer. His eyes were very telling of his remorse.

"I can't believe you! I can't believe you orchestrated all of this!" The woman pushed herself off the ground and stomped forward, standing a few feet behind Luke. Shoulders arched and arms tensely locked together, she glared through tear-soaked eyes at the beach beneath her. "You told him to take me away?" she asked, her voice ebbing into hurt, as she recalled the emotions that accompanied losing Han, and learning of her parents' deaths.

His silence told all. Rey needed to hear nothing more.

Heaving through grinding teeth, she shook her head furiously. "I can't do this. I just- I can't." The scavenger headed down the stairs into the temple, each step heavier than the last. Images of the past flashed in her mind in incomprehensible waves. Faces she didn't recognise, memories she couldn't place. A sense of isolation washed over her. These memories had come every once in a while, and Luke would explain them as they appeared. But now it felt as if her entire past had popped up into her mind, and the sheer number of experiences she had lost being a part of her memory bank all at once left her with a throbbing headache.

Rey entered Kylo Ren's room, and saw him sleeping in his bed. Her bed. The one she could really use at the moment.

Her eyes scoured his body, which lifted gently with each breath. It was quite a sight to behold: the First Order's Kylo Ren, scourge of the jedi, peacefully asleep, incapable of harm or evil in this sedated state.

Still, the sight of him left her a little on-edge. She prepared for him awaking and seeing her, rising out of his bed, and taking her away. To torture her. To probe her mind. To hurt her and her friends. Heat reached her cheeks as she thought of what he had done to Finn.

Suddenly, he stirred, and Rey could tell his was waking up. She hurried to her feet, and tried to leave for another room in the temple, one hopefully with a bed, when his voice stopped her.

"It's really hard to sleep when you're thinking about me so much." When she turned around to face him, he was sitting up in the bed, his eyes watching his hands that sat plainly in his lap. "Especially when all you think about is how much you hate me." He looked up at her with his dark eyes, which were soft, and spoke words her ears couldn't pick up.

Kylo Ren had soft features. He had round cheeks that were kissed with a plethora of freckles. He had a protruding nose, which reminded her of his father's. He had supple lips, which she had only ever seen frown. But at this moment, they smiled for her.

And she was reminded of something. Kylo Ren looked exactly like Ben Solo.

He looked at her the way her old friend had, and she grimaced.

"I'll never accept this. I can't see you as anything but dark," she said coldly.

"Unfortunate." He turned away, and played at the leather gloves concealing his hands.

"It's all I know of you!" she continued. "You've tried to kill me! You've hunted me down, and you've hurt my friends."

Ben could feel it in her. Her words only amplified the rage that spilled over her edges. Getting to his feet, he approached her slowly, as to not incite violence from him. Talking at even ground proved relaxing for him, and not having to look up at her as if she was scolding him made the conversation more equal for the both of them.

For Rey, however, him approaching her made her insides scream. Fear climbed up every bone in her body until it settled in her chest, leaving her cold, hollow, desperately afraid.

"D-don't come near me," she barked.

"I won't come any closer. I just want you to do something for me." She was ready to object, but he cut her off. "You know how to enter minds, Rey. You've done it with me, and I was trying to block you out. So, do it again."

"No."

"Please," he tried.

Taken aback by his insistence, Rey humoured the idea for a moment. If he needed to plead with her, perhaps this effort wasn't meaningless. Her eyes met his again, and she searched for any ill will. But, his eyes were childlike – soft and warm. A hint of pain, so minute she had to double-take to see it, hid within his irises. And she decided to trust him.

Just this once.

Rey had no idea how she had done it the first time, but Luke had assisted her in honing this particular skill, and she was now more talented at mind tricks than any other ability jedi have. The process was now simple: she eased her way into his mind, the force being the catalyst for this endeavor. It was as if she was sliding in, along a tract of sand, and rode down into his mind.

One would expect images and clear ideas to compose a mind, but it's actually dark. It's an empty void that can only be accessed through triggers and pressure points. You had to know where to look, and how to open each door. And to find each door was even more challenging. Rey had found that searching for emotions was the best route. You found one that you knew would take you to the memory you needed, and you centered on it. Though Luke's teachings made this process more direct, Rey knew minds more intimately through her practicing on Ben. He had his guard down, and she saw into him what he had allowed no-one else to see.

This time, as she entered his mind, he was open. He was letting her in. At first, she hadn't quite realised she was in another's subconscious, for it was shockingly similar to her own thoughts and feelings. The confusion she felt as her past was clear to her again was stamped plainly on his brain waves. The anger she felt at Luke for incorporating her into his plan was plastered on each wall of his mind. And the pain she felt for both being friends and enemies with Ben Solo was the substance that composed his very soul.

Rey ejected herself from his mind immediately. Left astounded by the likeness they shared even at their most core selves, Rey took a step back, and watched Ben.

"Never pleasant," he joked quietly, rubbing two fingers into the side of his head. "I see why you hated that so much."

"Shut up," she mumbled.

"What?" he retorted. "Are you afraid that I may actually care for you? I know what you saw in me. It's the same thing I saw in you."

Rey couldn't take any more.

"I don't want to care for you," she muttered. "Even if I did, a long time ago, you're different now."

Frustration piled up in Ren as he took a step toward her. "You just looked into me! How can you say that when you know we are of the same ilk?"

She shook her head. "I have two different images of you. And neither are very appealing to me."

That line bit him. It was painful to hear that even at his best – when he was her best friend – that still wasn't enough. He took another step forward, now inches from her face. "Do you really mean that?" he whispered.

He wouldn't intrude on her thoughts. He would let her answer for herself.

"No," she replied in a small voice. "But I know you as Kylo more than I do as Ben." She looked up, and he nodded, placated with that answer. He took a step back, and let her leave at long last.

"I'm sorry," he told her as she ascended the stairs.

Before she disappeared back into the night, she replied, "I know."


End file.
